I don’t know if you have observed but I have been on and off blogging for the past couple of days. And I now feel I really need to go off social media for a while and make things better.
July has been a very tough month for me. Emotionally draining. Overwhelming. There are times in our lives when we are reminded of our struggles and failures. I am certainly going through one such phase right now.
Being an introvert and having gone through a troubled childhood, it has always been difficult for me to express my emotions. And days like these are when I am reminded of how bad things have been so far.
I wouldn’t like to call myself a victim. I am a survivor. Things went really bad for me in 2014. I was diagnosed with a rare medical condition after a small surgical procedure gone wrong. I couldn’t continue working so my company had to let me go. Doctors gave up hope on my recovery. They spoke things on the lines of – you might not live for long. People I considered friends were too busy to talk to me or even ask if I was doing okay. And those related to me by blood kept their distance too. I was alone. I did not have any support and still I survived. Maybe I still am alone but it doesn’t matter much. It was a testing time and I survived it alone so I don’t really feel the need to have a shoulder to cry on.
So, with no friends or minimal socializing, my life’s been tough for the past five years. Books are the only thing that have kept me company so far. And of course, kitty too. Pets do help in keeping the mind distracted.
With all these downfalls, I have had PTSD-like symptoms. Things were really worse after my diagnosis. And five years later, I feel that they are back again. I am having difficulties sleeping or eating. Even reading books has started to feel like a chore. I have been on alternative meds for three years now (there wasn’t any treatment in allopathy) and I do feel much better. Healthier too. Meditations have helped too. But I really don’t know what went wrong in July but I see those past symptoms and memories back again. Well, it seems mercury is in retrograde but I really don’t want to blame the poor fella for my overwhelming emotions. 😛
So, I will be going on a short break. I have accepted a couple of blog tours August 13th onwards so I will be back to blogging then.
Life can sometimes be challenging. But how we stand tall irresponsible of the downfalls is what makes it worth living. 🙂